Friday, December 12, 2008

Baer is nuts

My landlord is a obsessed with squirrels.

I live in an old house that has been subdivided into about 8 apartments. About 3 of them seem to always be vacant, because my landlord spends more time crafting ways to find and rid the squirrels than renting the apartments. I often leave my apartment to find a squirrel trap baited with peanut butter right outside my door. Once there was a squirrel in there, flipping out. I felt bad for it, so I gave it some food, Baer -- the landlord -- probably wouldn't have liked that. later, I swear the squirrel was asleep, which I found amazing. I couldn't sleep in a situation like that, but he found some calm somehow.

Once I asked Baer what her does with the trapped squirrels. This made him a little uncomfortable, and I detected a slight air of defensiveness. After hemming and hawing for about 5 minutes and never really coming out with it, I pieced together that he takes the traps down to the Charles river, in the middle of the night, and throws them into the river, probably tying them with a string so he can retrieve them. Because he will never be rid of the squirrels. But, he told be that he always "gives them a chance". I guessed that meant he opens the cage, throws it in far, and if they can get out and swim to land (I don't think those guys can swim, I don't think Baer does either), they are free. I imagine that after he tosses in the cage, he strolls around the Charles for 15 minutes, thinking about God knows what, and returns to empty his trap of the dead squirrel, then he goes home to bed.

The other day, he tried to hire Corina to sniff around in all the crevices in the basement to try to find any dead squirrels. She needs a job, but this was too much. After 20 minutes, she made up an excuse - a job interview - and hit the high road.

4 comments:

Ingo said...

HA HA HA - hire Corina to sniff for dead squirrel carcasses!! Did he offer to pay by the hour or per dead squirrel detected?

Jordan said...

I think next time you see your landlord you should tell him that is illegal. Perhaps I can send over the MSPCA law enforcement. I find that information to be incredibly disturbing.

David at the Gallery said...

He didn't pay her anything, I think she gave up to early.

Jordan, just come over and set up a Baer trap -- no need to involve the MSPCA.

Allie said...

Oh my god, you need to stop him from torturing the squirrels David!